Hysteria on the streets

So last Sunday I went to visit Dory, as is becoming common here in Korea. I had a bit of a fiasco getting there, but that is perhaps a different story. We went to an Army base near Daegu and watched a movie, then played some games in their game room. That is also a different story. The real story happens after we went back to her place...


The Incendiary Incident


We were chillin' watching some Parks and Recreation, eating spaghetti, really doing nothing important, when all of a sudden out of nowhere we saw a stir in the corner of the room. The stir turned into a commotion and flight! We were startled, but remained unflinching in the face of such a plight! We studied the situation from our positions and started a debate. She was under the belief that it was a cockroach. I however totally disagreed.

To give you a better understanding I will describe to you the creature which we had come up against. It was long and black, approximately two inches in length and half that in width. From a distance, which we cautiously kept, of about 10 feet we could see lengthy antenna fidgeting anxiously. We had seen it fly and watched it as it meandered across the ceiling to settle in a position above the window.

So you can understand Dory's apartment. There are two beds, against two side walls, flanking a window. We sat upon one watching and eating, and the creature had appeared from the other. Its current position was above the window between, and we rotated off the bed and began discussing strategy near the kitchen opposite the creature-ridden-window.

We decided that I would catch it and then we would flush it down the toilet. It was still undetermined what this creature was, but I thought it maybe a cricket. I'd never seen a cricket that big, but I'd also never seen a cockroach that big, so I thought it was as good a guess as any. I got a coffee mug and piece of cardboard. Dory set to preparing the toilet for the imminent bug invasion, i.e. making sure it had enough water to flush and various other things we didn't want to go wrong.

I grabbed a chair and set it below the window. Armed with my coffee mug and cardboard I went for it. The problem came when the wall where it was hiding was not flat. I am quite inexperienced with cockroaches and therefore was not expecting such a speedy rebuttal from the thing. I thought I could knock it into the cup and that my reflexes were fast enough to trap it. However I was wrong! With wings and the an immediate disagreement to being caught the thing was out of its hiding spot, down the wall, onto the bed, behind the pillow and out of sight.

Worried, I looked to the bathroom. Dory was out of sight, and I hesitantly suggested that maybe she should stay in there a bit. I moved the pillow, but of course it wasn't there. I couldn't see it anywhere, so I knew I needed to enlist Dory's help. We moved the bed, and poked. We found it and scared it to a small bookcase under the window. It stayed and we decided that the two of us were smarter that one of it. We each blocked a side, with her acting as an aggressor to send it my direction. Still armed with my cup and cardboard we slid the bookcase away from the wall. Our plan worked and it made its way my direction. It wasn't the most graceful. There was knocking and possibly shouting, but I shortly got it in the cup and slipped the cardboard beneath.

We realized this thing, which was definitely a cockroach, was fast, really fast and probably not pleased with being trapped. We assumed it wouldn't willingly go down a toilet either so we thought of a new plan. We would take it outside. Perhaps we would walk far enough to release it alive. With hearts pounding and adrenaline racing we left the apartment in a hurry. Dory, in a not-Korea-appropriate shirt (spaghetti straps), and with no money thought it best to buy some cockroach spray. I have a tendency to carry my money down my pants on my hip in not a pocket. As I was holding the cup-cardboard contraption in both hands with the terror of this thing inside I was unwilling to let go to get my money so Dory mustered the courage to make a silly little scene on the corner outside the Thumbs Up.

After attaining the bug spray we decided to walk further. We crossed the road, and Dory spotted the perfect opportunity. Two men were standing on the corner. They weren't trying to cross the street and I have no idea what they were doing, perhaps just talking. So she decided to enlist their help. She pointed at me, held up the spray and made the cut throat motion. They were perplexed. So I approached, I shook the cup and made a look like "yeah there's something in there". So after more motioning and telling them they needed to kill it we handed them the spray, set the cup down and backed up.

They had caught on, and one lifted the edge of the cup and released little spurts of raid into the cup. He then let the cup down and let the cockroach sit in it. I admit I think this is a bit awful, but sometimes things happen in life that aren't right on every level. As Deepak Chopra had been explaining to me early that day, there is no objective reality because our perception is subjective. So stood there staring at the cup trying to calm down. We laughed and the silliness of it. We both knew that cockroaches are hard to kill and we were a bit skeptical that that had done it. We wanted to wait longer, but he lifted the cup with confidence only a minute or two later. Then he retrieved a lighter. He looked at us, he shook the can. He lit the lighter. He sprayed.

The cardboard and cockroach blazed. We reeled and screeched with disbelief, fright, and the oddity of it all. We stood dumbfounded and watched the sidewalk burn. A minute or two later, and it was over. The finality of it's death sat upon us as great as any finality could. It was gone.

El Fin